Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize