I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
