if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
