There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize