I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
