she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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