If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
