Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
