Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
