Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
