Define "chronic" masturbator.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
