I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize