come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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