Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
