yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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