ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
