hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
