Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
