once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
