if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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