I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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