So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
