i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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