i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
