My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Even the bartender felt bad for me
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
