a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
