i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
