His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
