The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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