Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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