HIV tests are more positive than that guy
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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