Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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