I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
