Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
