i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
