he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
