ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
