I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
