Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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