So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
