Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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