Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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