hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
