life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
