Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize