Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
