Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
