Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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