I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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