i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
