I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize