and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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