I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
