id be glad to
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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