You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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