I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
