I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
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