never play flip cup with pint glasses
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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