im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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