I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
