Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
