my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
