Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
This house was built for laser tag.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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