she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
