Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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