Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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