when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
