Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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