I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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