he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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