she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
