my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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