You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
