every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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