his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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