I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
