tell your sister to shave her snatch
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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