i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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