i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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