a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
