ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize