Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
