I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
