a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
