Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize