Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
