yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
