i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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