How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
