Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
