Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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