Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
