i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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