Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize