I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
