i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
