I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize