Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
