Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
