i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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