Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
