as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
