If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize